Attack of the Panda Police!

Brace yourself readers, for what follows is the sordid tale of a group of nutty people channeling their love of cuddly animals into unmitigated rage and ridiculousness.

If you think Anne Coulter is angry and crazy, just wait until you read below...

It all began innocently enough with a trip to the Chengdu Panda Breeding and Research Center in the Sichuan province of China. I visited the center in the summer of 2006 with my friend, and fellow WorldTeach volunteer, Mary Claire. Apparently we picked a really good day for our trip because the park was nearly empty when we arrived. We had the chance to hold and feed red pandas (I think it cost us RMB 50 each) and we were also able to get really close to a number of giant pandas. It was a magical day and I was thrilled I had the opportunity to witness such rare and endangered animals up close and personal in their home country.

I was able to take some great photographs during the trip, which I subsequently posted on Flickr...

And, that, dear blog readers, is where the trouble began.

I uploaded nine photos from the trip, including three closeup shots of China's national emblem, the giant panda. Without much thought, I wrote satirical captions on two of the panda photos (big mistake). The photos appear below with their original titles and captions.
____________________________________________________________________

Pickled Pandas Preserved panda cubs at the Chengdu panda preserve. Delicious...I mean, cute... I don't know what I mean.

(The above comment wasn't meant to suggest that I'd ever consider eating a panda, or any other endangered species for that matter, but rather, I was poking fun at the fact that the Chinese will eat almost every animal alive, and every part of every animal. You name it, the Chinese probably eat it. Deer blood. Dog paws. Snake gallbladders. Yak Penis. Turtle Shell. Chicken feet. Sheep fetuses. They eat it all. In fact, there is a Chinese saying that, “The Chinese eat everything with four legs, except tables — and everything that flies except airplanes.” And cute? Well, baby pandas definitely rank amongst the cutest animals alive, but when pickled in formaldehyde and put in display jars? Ehhhhhh, not so much.)

Abott and Costello: The Pandas

I think the look on the face of the panda to the right proves without a doubt that pandas are the dumbest animals alive. This photo is therefor dedicated to every panda who wouldn't screw to save his species.

(Ok, this caption is less defensible, but the look on the panda's face to the right just cracks me up. The line about pandas not screwing to save their species is from Fight Club. Do I really think pandas are unintelligent? No I don't, and I didn't assume people would take my comments so seriously. But, in any case, that panda just looks DUMB.)
____________________________________________________________________

The craziness began within hours of me posting the photos. The pics started racking up a huge number of views and panda fanatics from everywhere seemed to be drawn to my photos like...well, like pandas would be drawn to to crack-covered bamboo. To this day "Pickled Pandas" remains my most-viewed Flickr photo, with over 6,700 individual views as I write this.

But, these panda fiends weren't content just looking at my pics. Oh no. They were incensed and enraged by my captions and they were determined to unleash their furry fury on me in comment form. A bunch of them wrote lengthy passages extolling the virtues of giant pandas under my pictures, and some of them just hurled insults. Nearly all of them engaged in gross anthropormorphism. Someone from the Flickr group Pandas Unlimited even started a comment thread directing people toward my pandas pics and telling them to leave nasty comments. Hmmm...now that doesn't seem very cuddly.

Some of the more choice comments appear below.

buttercake56 Says:
anyone who would take and post a photo like this is NOT A HUMAN BEING

RosieTheRiveter Says:
You are sick.

sbkap Says:
I have never seen anything as terrible as this--you should be ashamed!

kitchan86 Says:
I cannot believe you use "CUTE" for this pictures, instead it is sad to lose panda cubs.

donnapandabear Says:
What an awful attitude you have. I worry about anyone who would joke about eating these their upper bodies look like human babies from the back.

hantu2008 Says:
Pandas are china national treasure. You can get death sentence for trading pandas.

Unka Bobby Says:
Zach, you are a freak, and probably should be eaten by an adult panda.

TAIwiffic Says:
Look up the word sociopath. I think you'll find your picture next to the definition.
A pox on you, buddy!

babyricoy Says:
you are a horrible man.So far I already meet and guess what... I HATE YOU! by the way you look ugly.You should not show your face in public

newnham25@btopenworld.com Says:
whoever done that will die as a dead man and burn and not to forget pickeled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ann's wild animals Says:
Pandas are the most intelligent animals and yes , their maternal instincts are far better than most humans . They would do anything to protect their young , in ways you couldn't even imagine !
________________________________________________

Interestingly enough, most of the commentators were American, and they seemed to have little or no interest in, or knowledge of, China. To me, that's like being in love with koalas but thinking that they're native to Oklahoma. And, to top it all off, most of angry posters' Flickr pages feature nothing but pictures of pandas... Thousands upon thousands of panda pictures. Seriously. Check it out if you don't believe me.

At first I was honored that my photos were garnering so much attention. I played along for a bit and did some panda-baiting by leaving combative replies to some of the comments. But, after a while, it just got old. And then, it got creepy. As seen above, I was essentially receiving threats of being pickled and people stooped so low as to call me ugly. Tsk tsk.

Tired of the nonsense, I eventually removed the "offensive" captions. In any case, I learned a valuable lesson from this little saga: The panda police are always on patrol and they will attack at the slightest provocation!

Consider yourself warned.

The Web Behind Bars: Attack of the Censors! (Pt.2)

You can now add Flickr to the growing list of websites that China has blocked in the past few weeks. Actually, I can access the Flickr website itself, but I can't see any photos (which makes the website pointless) because the server that hosts photos is what has been blocked. Photographers are a rowdy bunch, and my fellow photo enthusiasts who live in China and use Flickr are furious about the block.

Fortunately for us, an industrious Iranian photographer, who found himself blocked from Flickr in his home country, designed an awesome Firefox extension that seamlessly shatters any block on Flickr images. It works like a charm and I can once again browse and post photos! This all further proves my point that trying to restrict information on the web is a futile exercise.

As a teacher, the most frustrating thing for me about internet censorship in China is that it often prevents me from accessing teaching materials for my students. This week I was blocked from downloading pictures of American teenagers for a lesson on American high school customs and slang. The Communist party claims that they want to open China to the world in preparation for the Olympics and for the country's further economic development. And, to this end, every year thousands of foreigners journey to China to teach English and to share their knowledge and culture with eager Chinese students. Yet, the government doesn't acknowledge that opening yourself to the world and learning from other cultures, necessarily requires a free and uninhibited exchange of information. You can't learn much from others if you don't believe in intellectual freedom and allowing access to information. The communist party has taken an intractable position here by saying, "We want our country to learn from the world and to improve. But, you can only learn what we deem permissible." How, I ask, is that learning at all?

If you're wondering whether or not a specific website is being blocked by the government in China you can check out the awesome website www.greatfirewallofchina.org/, which, appropriately enough, is itself being blocked in China. And yes, for those of you wondering, my blog is still blocked in China... I'm honored?

I leave you with this excellent picture taken by my friend, and fellow volunteer teacher, Lance. I feel it pretty accurately expresses the political and intellectual climate in China at present.

Photos of the Week: Land of the Rising Sun

A quick thanks to my friends Joe and Emily for giving me the idea to post a "Photos of the week" blog. I'll try to add some new pics every weekend or so.

And, on that note, I finally finished posting the photos I took during my trip to Japan in February on my Flickr page. I know that I still owe you some blog postings about my trip to Japan (specifically, the differences I observed between Japan and China), so I'll try to work on those soon (don't hold your breathe). In the meantime, you'll just have to stand by and enjoy these pictures. As a preview, some of my favorite Japan photos are below. Enjoy!


I visited my college friend Brooke in a seaside city called Hamamatsu where she is teaching English with the JET program. I followed her to school one day to check out what high school in Japan is all about. This is one of Brooke's students practicing calligraphy at an English Corner Brooke organized.



I was lucky to catch some of the first cherry blossoms (sakura) of the season budding while I was in Japan. This picture was taken at a beautiful park in Hamamatsu.




Young students in Japan wear helmets when walking home to protect them in the event of an earthquake. No, I'm not kidding.






More cherry blossoms. This is probably my favorite picture I took while in Japan.







Me at a Buddhist shrine in Hamamatsu. These red gates are all over Japan, though I'm not exactly sure what they mean. Special thanks to Brooke for snapping this pic.