Deadly Sassy

China is well on its way in the march toward modernization and... increased fashion consciousness?

During the ten year anniversary celebration of Hong Kong reverting to Chinese rule this week, China officially unveiled snappy new uniforms for the People's Liberation Army (PLA), the largest standing military force in the world (2.3 million members strong). If you've ever been to China, or if you've seen pictures taken around crowded areas like Tiananmen Square, you've no doubt seen scores of soldiers clad in loose-fitting olive green uniforms. Apparently, the old uniforms only came in one size and one style--ill-fitting and ugly. But, those days are now gone, because Dog forbid a Chinese soldier ever look dowdy on the battle field!

Amidst growing domestic and international concern over food and medicine safety, slave labor, and pollution, the Chinese government has shown where its true priorities lie by spending millions of dollars to reinvent and refashion the aesthetic appeal of their military. The new uniforms will be color-coordinated, tighter fitting, and will be all around more sexy. Nothing strikes more fear in the heart of enemies than sexy soldiers, right?

In discussing the new duds, a government spokesman noted that the female uniform has been refashioned to look, and I quote, "sassier." This translates into tighter waistlines and, by far my favorite revision, higher heels. Yes, that's right, not only are female soldiers expected to perform their duties in heels, but those heels will now be 5 centimeters high. (For those of you who are metric-scale-challenged, that converts into about 2 inches.) After all, if you're going to be kicking ass, you might as well be doing so in high heels. Everyone knows that the best fighters in the world are supermodels and fashionistas.



<----A newly enlisted PLA recruit

Lost in a Mysterious Bamboo Forest...

Deep in the heart of China, a young and dashing American (yours truly), along with his beautiful Chinese girlfriend (Dai Li), find themselves lost in a mysterious bamboo forest in Yi Yang, Hunan. Luckily, someone sent our intrepid explorers a text message, guiding them back to civilization...

A few months ago, Dai Li and I took a day-trip a few hours outside of Changsha to explore a bamboo forest in a small town called Yi Yang. Upon reaching the edge of the forest we wandered for maybe ten minutes before we found ourselves lost deep amongst the bamboo, engulfed in shadows, and surrounded by the whispers of ancient China. There was bamboo in every direction, as far as the eye could see. Stalks as thick as my legs shot up hundreds of feet in the air. A faint smell of dew, and the nearly inaudible sound of beetles and spiders scurrying amongst the thin leaves, toyed playfully with our senses. This is the China I had always envisioned while living in the states. It was stunning. Yet sadly, there were no kung fu battles or rampaging pandas in this forest. I guess you can't win them all...